mdseiran: (Default)
[personal profile] mdseiran
Title: Belonging
Fandom: Gakuen Heaven
Warnings: Slash, PG.

- For [livejournal.com profile] 15pairings, #3 mercy/no mercy.
- Sequel to Accountability.



Ten years and the sight still took his breath away. His hands remembered the feel of that hair slipping through is fingers, his body remembered the slide of that pale skin against his. The feel of his lips and the sound of his voice, memories flooding back to him as if it was only yesterday that he'd locked them in the darkest corner of his mind.

"I didn't ask you to come so you could lurk in the doorway, you know." He tuned around slowly, not wanting to give the Chairman of Bell Liberty the satisfaction of knowing he'd been distracted, and gave him a mocking bow. "As you order, so I obey," he intoned, enjoying it when Endo almost choked on his wine. "If you blackmail someone so they will attend some function or the other, you can't expect them to seem eager about it, Chairman."

It earned him a glare. "Stop calling me that, Omi, we've been past these titles for years."

Omi covered his smirk with the glass of wine he'd picked up from one of the trays being carried about by waiters. "That was before you used your authority to bring me here. Friends don't generally do that to each other. Chairman." He took a sip, eyes wandering, hoping for a glimpse of that pale head one second and resolutely turning his eyes back to Endo the next. He cursed silently and gulped his wine down; maybe if he drank enough of the stuff it would get him through this evening with his sanity intact.

"Omi, are you even listening?"

The amused tone bothered him more than he would admit. "Not really. Were you saying anything important?"

Endo laughed quietly. "Only that Niwa seemed to be heading this way and that if you intended to avoid him you had better move. Hello, Niwa. having a good time?"

The former King of Bell Liberty grinned in agreement. "It's been a while, Endo. You're hanging around, right?" At Endo's nod, Niwa turned to Omi instead and slung an arm around the computer expert's shoulders. "I was actually here to drag you away from the company of much older men. Playing with kids your own age is really much better, Shichijou." Endo blanched, Omi smirked, and Niwa took his opportunity and began to drag Omi away from the crowds and to the open bar.

"Any preferences?" and Omi took the chance to order vodka, relishing the much stronger alcohol. "I haven't seen you in a few weeks. Is my father keeping you too busy to pick up the phone now?" He tossed back the rest of the vodka and shot Niwa a glare. "If this is going to turn into an interrogation I'll need a lot more alcohol, Niwa. What are you doing here anyway? This is the 'Class of 2007' reunion."

"I'm handling the security for today. You know how Endo is about these things, better safe than sorry. Not that I can complain really." Niwa twisted around on his stool to face Omi, conveniently blocking his view of the room while he was at it. "Seriously though, Shichijou, you should get out more. I'll start getting jealous of my dad if he hoards you all to himself." It was said with a wink, and Omi did not feel at all repentant when Niwa had to bend down to rub his shin.

He wasn't sure if Niwa had done this on purpose; he wouldn't put it past the man, but if he had then neither of them had known about it. With his back bent the room was visible once more, and the first thing he saw was the boy he lost his heart to so long ago. Except he wasn't a boy any longer and other than the hair and the colour of his skin, he didn't look much like how Omi remembered him.

Vibrant and alive, the body writhed beneath him

He heard Niwa talking but couldn't grasp the words, didn't turn to his friend until the latter's back was once more blocking the sight of his old lover. Niwa took one glance at him and turned around. "Ah, Kaoru-chan! Come sit, you look like you could use a drink."

those lips formed his name, panted it out

Niwa turned back to him with a grin. "Feels almost like old times, huh?"

a last shudder and their release hit them both like a storm.

The green eyes were flashing with anger, a sight Omi remembered well, and he turned his head away from the sight and back to his glass of courage. But he couldn't block his ears, and Kaoru's voice sounded so much like he remembered it that the pain of it was almost tangible.

"Is this why you dragged me here?", his childhood friend was saying, almost hissing, at the King who remained as composed and obnoxiously cheerful as he usually was. "You set this up when you knew-"

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-chan, the music is kind of loud. Come here so I can hear you better!" and Omi winced at the loud voice. He hasn't changed one bit, and while the thought should have been laced with anger he couldn't get past the amusement of the situation. "It's alright, Kaoru," he said quietly, already pushing back the stool. "I was leaving anyway. I hope both of you have a good time." He heard Niwa objecting but skilfully evaded the hand that tried to grab him and began to walk away, leaving his past behind.

"...Omi."

The voice was quiet, too quiet, too broken for the proud man he'd known. Keepwalkingkeepwalkingkeepwalking. His feet stopped and he turned around, eyes latching onto a face that was paler than normal and a body that had lost too much weight. His hair lacked the luster it had at school and was pulled back in an almost severe ponytail. Those green eyes that haunted his dreams looked haunted themselves, and his face - his face showed every one of the ten years, only tripled.

"I'll leave you two alone then and guard the door," and Omi understood the warning. If he tried to leave, or Kaoru tried to leave, they'd be dragged back and Niwa wouldn't be discrete about it either. "You're a bastard you know," he muttered as Niwa stood up to leave, but his friend only smiled, gave him a pat on the back and disappeared into the crowd.

Since neither of them seemed to have an idea of what to say, Omi went back to the bar and gestured for Kaoru to sit down. "Order whatever you like, all expenses paid courtesy of Niwa." Kaoru snorted and gave him an odd half-smile before asking for scotch, a request that Omi seconded. The next few minutes were spent sipping the drink. You're stalling, his head told him, and he knew he was. You've let it go, remember? but he wasn't sure of that anymore.

"How have you been?" and he repressed the urge to wince at the weak beginning. "I heard that your firm made you partner, congratulations." Kaoru nodded, whether in thanks or just to escape from needing to say anything Omi didn't know, but he kept on talking. "I've been doing well at work too. Niwa's father is a harsh taskmaster but the work is interesting, and he doesn't mind if I freelance on my own time. He doesn't mind the occasional hacking job either, not that he could prove it was me either way."

"You always were good at covering your tracks." Omi sipped and nodded, relieved to hear the other man speak, but the silence that fell after was still tense. Niwa owed him so much for this whole situation.

"It wasn't you, you know," he heard, and it took him a moment to understand that the topic of conversation had just been changed. It looked like the ghosts refused to stay quiet any longer tonight. "You were...perfect. Anyone's dream. But I am not. I tried to be, because you deserved that, but I couldn't."

"Kaoru, listen-" but then the head turned and those green eyes looked more alive than he'd seen them since they were both teenagers and he found himself stopping without knowing why.

"Let me say this, please," and it was the 'please' that did it, because Kaoru never used that word with him except in bed. "I went to him because I had urges, abnormal urges, and I couldn't burden you with them. I didn't want you to see how broken I really was, I was afraid I would drive you away. Except I did that anyway, didn't I?" He paused to finish the last of his scotch, fingers playing with the empty glass. "It wasn't because I didn't love you or because you did anything wrong. I certainly never felt anything for him. But at the time I thought that if he could satisfy these urges I would be free to...be normal with you.

"I know this doesn't mean much now, but I've never forgiven myself, and I am so sorry that I caused you that much pain."

He'd thought the explanation, the admission would ease something inside of him, would let him live without the memories continuously parading in front of his eyes. He'd always imagined that the apology would be the words that would release him from his curse, forgiveness granted from above, grant to start living again. But he felt the same as he had before he'd walked through the door tonight.

"I knew," he said slowly, pushing the half empty glass away. "I knew it wasn't that you didn't love me. I could see you did, could see it even before Bell Liberty." He rested his chin on his folded hands, ignoring the tiny hitch. "I even knew you were sorry. It was one of the signs, you know," and he turned to face Kaoru, "I could see you were feeling guilty and miserable about something. I just-"

"Please don't," voice choked, cracked, dead, "Don't forgive me, I don't deserve it. You should hate me Omi, for everything I did."

"But Kaoru," and his own was soft, gentle, sure, "I forgave you long ago. I only ever wanted your happiness, and if I couldn't provide that I had no right to be by your side." His head felt clearer than it had in years, and before he turned to go he placed one hand on top of Kaoru's head and let it slide gently over the bound hair. "You should take better care of yourself. I've never seen you with split hairs before."

He hadn't gone five paces when something stumbled into his back and latched onto his jacket. The form behind him was shuddering soundlessly and he waited, arms hanging uselessly at his side. "I've missed you," was whispered against his back. "I love you, I need you, I don't feel right without you," these and more and his back soaked up all the words and let them penetrate the rest of him. He turned around then and his arms went around Kaoru the same as they had more than ten years ago, and it felt natural and good and right to hold him, to be this man's comfort and support and his Knight. The words faded with, "Please, Omi," and turned to silent tears, and Omi stroked his friend's back and hair until the shudders subsided and his shirt felt wet. "I know," he murmured, "I know."

Thanks! (:

Date: 2007-08-27 06:09 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I absolutely love it! I adore the way you write, definitely. It's so full of emotion! My favorite character is Kaoru, so thanks a lot for posting this! My favorite couples are Omi and Kaoru, or Kaoru and Tetsuya ^.^! They are so cool...!

Date: 2011-01-20 06:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonys-autumn.livejournal.com
I haven't read the first part to this because it is locked, but the emotion in this part is conveyed powerfully. Another excellent work; and I'm glad it had a happy ending (sort of!).

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