[FIC] CoM: Take it Away

[mdseiran]

......don't ask. >.< It's 3:40 am, so just....don't ask. Really.

Songfic, song used is Blurry by Puddle of Mudd. This takes place after the end of the obsession pin arc.

Unbeta-ed. Probably makes no sense (3:40 am!). Umm...I flee?

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake

He should've known better than this. He did know better than this. It had been forced into him since his childhood days; never trust anyone other than yourself and me. Mother's been right, he reflected. She'd been so right...

and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up

He'd caused trouble for himself, made a fool of himself, in front of how many people? Dear gods, he could've revealed everything if he'd been asked to...all because of one person, one girl, one child....if She ever heard of this she would waste no time slitting his throat. Useless...he was useless.

pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all

Useless, and he knew it. A catastrophic mistake, and he knew it! And yet....

And yet he couldn't stop thinking about it. About her. About how it had felt to be...cared for? Loved? Needed...to be needed. He had been used plenty before, but needed....that was new.

And why was he pondering this so much...why was his mind focused on her and those feelings that had been there when she was there, and were now gone? he was an assasin...what need did he have for affection?

My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

It was as if he still revolved around her...but it shouldn't be so. He had been..."cured". That word left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Ill...a mental illness, unstable...delusional...weak, so damn weak, he could've been killed at any second! Then why did he still miss her? Why was that ltitle voice in his head telling him to seek her out?

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene

A desire to protect her, as he had vowed to do under that spell...protect her from harm, because surely she belonged to him, and he had believed so with all that he was. Believed that she was his second half, his match, his...his someone, no matter she was still a child then. And he would've protected her...even now he was sure of that.

I wonder what your doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

His thoughts strayed again, as they seemed to do often lately. His eyes would grow distant and he would try to imagine what she could be doing at this moment? Were there still tears streaming down her face, like the last time he'd seen her? No...no, he wouldn't want that for her...she was most likely in Gheldale, surrounded by her family, smiling, her bright laugh echoing through the halls of the palace. He remembered her clear laugh, and how it would cause a spark to flare up inside him. Was that happiness?

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

He would soon come back to his senses though, astounded at his actions. He would drag up the anger from deep inside him, and cling to that for as long as he could. She had betrayed his trust, shoved it in his face when she cast her spell. She had caused him pain when her family utterly refused him. Embarrassment from the things he did. He tried to remember that, keep it at the fron of his mind, try and drive out the other memories, the pleasant ones. The ones of her sleeping, curled up against him, warm and soft. Or of her sweet voice thanking him for something he'd brought her. Or that smile...

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
so make up your ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

Everything changed so much since then. He had changed. He didn't sneer as much, insult as much....he was quiet and more mature. That had caused the people around him to change as wlel, and he couldn't exactly say he hated it. But with the new him came...new needs. Desires. Wants...he wanted those feelings back. That utter peace and contentment, safety, happiness...he wanted that now. Without those feeling he felt lost, so lost. He had lost his center and didn't know how to regain it. Was she his center now....? Was she?

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway

He shuddered at the thought, suddenly ice cold. He couldn't let that happen. He remembered only too well how it ended the first time. How he was utterly cast out by her family. They'd been only too happy to tell her to keep away, considering him a danger to be eliminated. He couldn't possibly...do that again.

So why did he want to? Despite everything, why did he still want to....?

This pain you gave to me

The betrayal still ached. Like a stab wound, that hadn't quite healed yet. It ached.

But...

When he was with her...she took it all away...and that alone was worth it...

you take it all
you take it all away...
explain again to me
you take it all away
explain again to me
take it all away
explain again

omg just shoot me. T_T And my plot bunnies, please. T_________________________T